“Sometimes the way you speak to me makes me feel stupid.” These were the words of one of my best friends back in 2006, a timely rebuke. Embarrassingly, this wasn’t the only time that I would hear something similar. As a self-conscious teenager, I wanted to fit in and make others laugh. Looking back now, I can see how I pushed the boundaries of light-hearted, ironic humor and leaned into a kind of sarcasm that hurt others.

Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” I had to sit with the Lord and consider how my words were reflecting him. I wanted my speech to be characterized by “building up” and “giving grace.” In short, I needed to practice self-control with my words.

I knew the truth, yet change does not come easily.

John Piper suggests that “The very concept of ‘self-control’ implies a battle,” and that “the difference between worldly self-control and godly self-control is crucial. Who will get the glory for victory . . . If we exercise self-control by faith in Christ’s superior power and pleasure, Christ will get the glory.”¹

A “battle” is right. My lack of self-control with my words kept me from a fruitful life. I was addicted to the hit of adrenaline from a well-timed, well-delivered sarcastic line. Even though Christ was in me, giving me freedom to choose to use life-giving words, I was a slave to my idols. I was focused on glorifying myself rather than God.

In the garden of our lives where the fruit of the Spirit can bless others, “self” is a pesky weed that continues to grow, and we must relentlessly yank it out with the Spirit’s help (John 15:1–8). While Paul lists self-control last in the fruit of the Spirit, it is far from last in importance. It is the way by which all other aspects of the fruit are either displayed or choked out.

This process was challenging. I felt exposed and uncomfortable. I had to relearn how to engage with people without always looking for the angle or the quick laugh. There were many times that I would open my mouth to speak and have to awkwardly swallow my words and walk away. If I’m being honest, that still happens even today. The battle is real.

I have the same capacity to wound as I did years ago and, at times, like working on this newsletter, I’m tempted to be overcome with grief. But this work of pruning is not meant to make us feel shame or discouragement. God meets us in the moment, stoops down, and helps us root out the weeds. As you prune your garden, know that this slow work is the pathway toward Christ-likeness, and I’m grateful for a God who is patient and long-suffering.

Courtney Vaughn

For the Ezer Newsletter Team

¹Piper, John. “The Fierce Fruit of Self-Control.” Desiring God, May 15, 2001. https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-fierce-fruit-of-self-control

Read Genesis 39:1-12 and 2 Samuel 11:1-12:19

As we look at self-control in the Bible, we’ll focus on two characters: Joseph and David. Self-control makes Joseph run from the temptation of Potiphar’s wife. Joseph, the slave, is not enslaved to his flesh, but is the truly free man who chooses to honor God in that moment. However David, the “free” man who’s enslaved to his passions, throws off restraint and runs with his desires, pursuing Bathsheba and initiating a tragic cascade of sin and death. In the daily battle between what we know is right and what we want to do, the good news is we have the Spirit’s enabling power to make the God honoring choice in the moment (Romans 6:12-14). Self-control is life-giving freedom!

1. Where do you tend to feel enslaved to self-centered choices? Food? Shopping? Words? Emotions? Social Media? Overwork? What would the Spirit’s freedom from sin’s mastery look like for you in this area?
2. Has there ever been a time in your life when your lack of self-control proved dangerous or harmful to you or to others? How did you pursue forgiveness, and what did repentance look like in those situations? (Psalm 51)?
3. How can you nurture a passion for God’s honor and glory that will help you choose to persevere in holiness when facing temptation?

Libby Thomas

For the Ezer Newsletter Team

1. When you think about the Fruit of the Spirit as being displayed in the garden of your life, what idols (weeds) of “self” do you tend to find overtaking your God-glorifying fruit? If you’re like me, there are times that you may recognize the weeds, but you aren’t prayerfully diligent about pulling them. What are the consequences of letting them grow?
2. Reflecting on Libby’s contrast drawn between Joseph (a slave who displayed freedom through self-control) and David (a free man who displayed slavery to his passions). Can you recall circumstances in your life where you have glorified God in freedom through self-control? What were the effects of this freedom?
3. As self-control is a daily battle to set ourselves aside in the moment and instead maintain an eternal perspective, let’s take up arms of confession, repentance, fellowship with Jesus, and living in worship of the true God. What would cultivating an eternal perspective look like for you this month as you face the daily battle?

Jackie Vest

For the Ezer Newsletter Team